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I want an american boyfriend

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Why do people in committed relationships still swipe right on dating apps? A secret dater shares her story.

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Relationship Status: Single
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A secret dater shares her story. I laugh nervously. In fact, I give as little about myself away as possible.

It started two years amfrican, when I was 26 and went through a really destabilising period in my life. I lost my job as a graphic deer, and found out that my boyfriend - despite being kind and wonderful in so many ways - was cheating on me. The night he confessed, I remember all the air rushing out of my lungs. In so many ways, we had been perfect for each other.

We came from similar backgrounds, we had similar goals and ambitions. Almost as soon as we boyriend together we met at a party, through mutual friends there had been no question - we were in love.

We moved in together eight months after meeting. But four years later, here he was, saying he was sorry.

He cried and told me over and over again that he was sorry and that he wanted to make it work with me. And I believed him.

A year-old woman dumped her boyfriend and quit her job to travel across america in a van with just her dog

He was my best mate. I loved him. That period, out of work amerkcan feeling like my whole world had been turned upside down affected me deeply - I even changed careers, retraining so that I could work in the fitness industry. But most of all, I decided that I needed more independence from my relationship.

I realised that the intensity of my connection with my boyfriend had eclipsed everything in my life. It was unhealthy, I guess, but he was my first love - I was only 22 when we met he was And it was kind of an accident. I went out with some new work a and was left with just one of the guys in a bar. I was tipsy and we flirted.

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I knew nothing would happen, we just had great banter - we bounced off each other, and we found the same things funny. I remember floating home, feeling more confident than I had in months. It was fun and silly, seeing her get matches and chatting to randoms, but when I left her house that night, I knew I wanted to do it again, properly, on my own.

Looking back, I can see that I was desperate for that same ego boost - a reaffirmation that I was desirable, despite what my boyfriend had done. I guess I was hurting a lot and looking for any way to make myself feel better. Swiping, getting matches and having flirty conversations with guys was also wanf good distraction from obsessing over whether my boyfriend might cheat again.

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We get a hit of dopamine - a feel-good neurotransmitter, which is linked to addiction - whenever we anticipate a match. That certainly felt true for me. Before long, I was absentmindedly swiping most days, chasing that high. We were still arguing a lot, and I felt like he owed me. I considered boyfeiend my boyfriend, being transparent about the fact that I felt I needed to do this, so I could work boyfrend exactly what I wanted.

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